Friday, August 29, 20082:13:00 PM
today was TEACHER'S DAY.. lols.. i came to school early.. lols.. and collected 32$ haha.. yupps.. then i pass it to ms farah.. then she keep lor.. then we got morning assembly as usual.. then got zao cao.. i cant do shang ti.. cause my right calf ytd night got cramp.. now still pain.. haha.. so i was totally relying on my left one.. haha.. haii..
after that the upper sec students came in.. then we sit back.. then the CELEBRATIONS begin.. lols.. the teacher had to walk in together.. lols.. kindda weird.. hmm.. dono la.. then yupps.. then then the concert band was first to play.. boths songs were nice.. even though some parts sounded out.. hmm.. yupps.. then then i forgot le.. but i noe.. the sing-a-long thing.. was the worst part of all.. why did they have to choose those songs.. why did they have to sing it now.. haii.. i just felt like getting out of there.. but i didn't want to move.. haii..
i was crying.. haii.. i cried in the hall omg.. haii.. but was just a little bit onli.. i was fighting back my tears.. i cant cry in hall.. in front of people.. haii.. then yijing go tell desmond then.. shenghui came to sit beside me.. haha.. he say dr wee here again.. then kip sayin don cry la.. lol.. i also noe don cry.. but i cnt rite.. just when i stopped le.. they go play 'because you loved me'.. i was like holy shit.. omg.. then i cried more.. haii.. i was thinking alot of emo stuffs.. im still not strong enuff..
i miss him.. reli.. more than usual.. and im scared too.. im reli scared.. this feeling is so gettin me out of control.. i was fighting with myself in a way.. i could have done things today.. but i resisted.. number one.. i don't know what his reaction would be.. number two.. im scared of the consequences.. i was waiting for the perfect chance.. that i could do.. the whole day i was waiting.. but i didn't have a chance.. i cried while in the lift.. im reli not strong yet.. haii.. then i sat at those steps.. crying.. thinking.. emoing.. i decided to stop crying.. no point imagin.. i'll have to wait.. for long time.. and im willing to.. haha.. i dont know why i behaving this way.. the fear is still thr.. haii..
we were close today.. and i reli wanted to do it(now now don imagine wrong things)..
i had to stop.. so i emo thr lor.. if thats wat u people were wondering..
i was sort of afraid..
the fear that you will one day leave me..the fear that you will not love me anymore..the fear that you will no longer be there.. the fear that you will be out of my life..i was fearing all that.. guess that's why i was over reacting.. those fears were scary.. even death didn't feel as scary as those.. you just mean too much to me..
