Saturday, August 2, 200810:47:00 PM
i cannot take it anymore..
i cannot wait anymore..
why do you have to be like this?
why do i always have to be like this?
now i don't even know whether i'm doing the right thing..
the heart and the brain..
which to follow?
if i follow my heart, i would hurt myself even more..
if i folow my brain, i would hurt you and me also..
but i need a solution..
maybe i'm just to immature..
i'm not experience..
whatever i do seem to cause you trouble and unhappiness..
i've tried to let go when i really couldn't take it any longer..
but i couldn't.. i haven't given it all i've got..
people say loving some one doesn't mean we have to have him..
but.. i just couldn't bear to let go..
i'm such a failure.. maybe if you see this..
you will feel disturbed or angry or sad..
but.. i just couldn't help but do this.. i'm sorry..
if you wan to give up on me..
be my guest..
cause i'm about to give up on myself soon..
i'm low in spirit.. comfort me?
i doubt you even realise it..
8:59:00 PM
found this on hongjun's blog.. so long never go there le.. haha.. he got post.. and it's surprising.. haha.. :D
ROWAN TREE (the Sensitivity) - full of charm(sure bo?), cheerful(i emo de la), gifted without egoism(huh? wat tt?), likes to draw attention(SO DAMN TRUE), loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent(err somewhat true), good taste(DUH!), artistic(like wat? i only feel good when i dance chinese dance in primary school..), passionate(erm? m i?), emotional(nope.. VERY emotional), good company(haha.. reli mehs..), does not forgive( not reli nv forgive.. is hard to forgive.. but for some people everytime will forgive de..)
lols.. haha.. okay i'm darned bored.. msn me please!!
6:43:00 PM
today was 2.4 run. haha.. wanted to run with yijing and hsiao lan but their stamina way too good for me ler.. in the end ran with jinyi and jasline.. then jasline leg hurt la.. so i n jinyi went first lo.. then i no energy liao.. then jinyi continue run.. lols.. haii.. i'm too lan le la.. but at least got improve in position de numbers.. haha..
i took yanjun's father's van there along with jeffrey and eric.. O.o.. new experience for me first time sit in van. heh.. kind of nice. but i still prefer car la. heh.. when arrived de time. couldn't find most of the 2K people. then sms yijing, she say she reaching liao. lols. then we on music and waited for people to come. heh. starting is guys run first. heh..
after that warm up then go the starting line there. lols. got separated with hsiao lan at the starting.. then i couldn't catch up.. haii.. mary sms me that she is third station so i aim there first lo. haha.. then i saw her i run faster abit.. then passed alot people.. then one of them shouted 'junyang at the last few stations'. that person shout kind of loud 'cause i blasted my music when running. lol. when i heard i was like.. 'oooo.. okay..' yupp.. when running de time.. i was dam giddy luh.. and like that time during pe, got this pain feeling at my chest but i still keep running until after i saw bennett i cannot tahan liao.. damn pain then i started walking.. walk also damn pain then breathe damn hard also.. then i was like bloody shit.. sianed.. walk for quite awhile until see next station then run then stop then run then stop.. until i reach junyang's station there.. since last few liao i run lor.. then still pain pain pain!! then i stop awhile then saw the ending point i was like chionging like hell.. passed by the cheering crowds then stop again.. freaking pain le.. n i see everything lik moving for no bloody reason.. lols.. then i walk liao.. i dowan faint. lols.. haha.. then got 168.. AND IM PROUD OF IT.. HEHS..
yupps and yu jia kept his promise luh.. really at the ending there cheer for me!! yay.. haha.. thanks da ge.. edbert also got i think.. O.o.. then dex and the 2L de people.. haha.. thx thx.. haha.. so sad never see sec2 boys run lors.. haii.. sadded.. haha.. then after the run.. i was lik drinking non-stop.. then decided to go mary there 'cause damn bloody bored.. haha.. then i run with sec1 girls again.. for awhile then i walk walk walk to mary there.. haha.. then when everything over liao.. i run with mary for awhile then walk walk walk again.. haha.. then asked dex parents to drive me to pasir ris.. heh.. wonder next year how i will go home from there.. haii.. NEXT YEAR MUZ FIND SOME1 TO GO MOVIES WITH ME AFTER THE RUN LOR.. td was so last min.. zz.. haii..
yupp.. i knew he couldn't go with me cause he watching with his own friends.. haii.. then i was lik slacking off at pasir ris mrt platform there.. i waited for lik 5-6trains then board on.. but i didn't expect to board the same train as him.. then i saw him chiong down.. yupp i saw him but he didn't see me.. must be rushing.. haii.. from that moment i didn't want to meet him again.. so i went to century square.. then i saw them coming down from the escalator.. i was going up he was coming down.. yupps he didn't see me again.. haii.. i thought they were heading to tampines mall so i went to lik the other side of the mall around the kfc and macs there for awhile.. then go back tampines mall.. this time.. I SAW THEM AGAIN.. and they saw me.. jason walk in front of me making weird noises la.. haii.. fate so cruel.. i dowan see them then i saw.. i rather i see them n they didn't see me.. than i see them n they see me.. haii..
continueing.. when i saw them.. i didn't dare look at any of them in the eye la.. i was like feeling damn extra.. so i walk up the escalator when i was actually trying to go some where else.. my face was feeling damn hot.. then i knew i was holding back my tears.. i felt damn stupid cause i don't know why i wanted to cry in the first place. haii.. i thought their cinema is golden village so i told yanjun we watching at century square de.. (apparently i forgot the first place i saw them.. at century square.. damn stupid right?) yupps.. so i waited for yanjun for like MANY HOURS WHICH SEEMED LIKE DAYS AND DAYS.. then around 1.38 liddat.. i saw a familar shoe walking down the steps.. then white shorts.. then blue shirt.. i was like OMGOSH.. haii.. so i turned around.. hoping they didn't see me.. but i was standing in the direction to the escalator down luh.. so confirm got de.. then i heard jason voice.. then they walk to arcade.. then he come talk to me.. i was holding back my tears while trying to talk to him.. it was hard but i manage it.. lucky.. then he said he going back school..
(i wish i could go with you) haii.. see him walked away.. then tears starting to come down.. then naturally i bite myself again.. bite until red red.. then i sad sad again.. haii.. mummy 3 i don't really like it. seems boring to me la.. dark knight is like nicer to watch than that.. haha.. but the lin is damn cute and chio lor.. haha.. watch liao then chiong home le.. then saw this couple on the bus.. girl leaning on guy.. guy wrap hand over the shoulder and holding the girl's hand.. so cool.. haha.. they look like around jc that age bahs.. the girl is shorter than me can.. haii.. lols.. haha.. so cute.. erm.. haha.. then they got ring de.. lols.. haha.. :D
then reach home nothing to do lor.. eat le then come blog.. lols.. first time i write so bloody long can.. anyway
buaiibuaii XD
iloveyoudar<3>
